A Guide for Check-ins
The 3F Model
Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash
So, how’s it been going?…
Whether we are seeking to mentor a Christian younger in the faith or simply walk side by side with another believing friend, we’ve got an excellent opportunity to steward with these ordinary relationships.
The New Testament is adamant that God gives Christians to one another to care for and spur each other toward Christlikeness.
It’s all too easy to spend time with other believers and stay “on the surface.”
We might talk mostly about sports, or current events, or shared interests. Yet, to lean in to the blessing of genuine Christian fellowship, we ought to take our conversation to the things of the Lord.
Indeed, sports, current events, and shared interests aren’t inappropriate or wasteful topics; they can be legitimate means of increasing camaraderie and affection. But, when we filter our conversations through the lens of the gospel and center our words on eternally aimed things, we will see the edification and further Spirit-unification prescribed in the Bible.
There’s an opposite ditch that we must avoid as well.
We don’t want to pursue conversation with other Christians (and non-Christians for that matter) as if we’re working through a formal questionnaire or navigating a step-by-step procedure. Instead, our concern for them should be genuine.
Likewise, our vulnerability to ask and answer deeper questions should overflow from a place of love and commitment. In other words, we shouldn’t become robotic when we take the step to be intentional.
Instead, we should feel even more “human” in those settings. We then experience the fullness of God’s design for humanity when we take conversations more explicitly into His domain.
Below, I’ve previewed a simple guide to meaningful check-ins with other Christians. I’m workshopping the name, “The 3F Model.” (if this is lame, let me know in the comments)
In this model, each node centers on a different word beginning with the letter F, so it can operate like a mnemonic device.
1. God’s Favor
F-1 focuses on celebration and thanksgiving.
A symptom of our busyness-plagued lives is that we take the incredible good God works in our lives for granted. When He shows kindness through everyday joys, answers a prayer, or blesses us far beyond what we could have imagined, we should give credit where credit is due.
The discipline of celebrating God’s favor helps keep us grounded and might be the encouragement a brother or sister needs if they’re personally struggling to see God’s goodness.
“Where have you seen God’s kindness recently?”
“How can you thank God today?”
2. Life’s Frustrations
F-2 allows us to be honest with other Christians when things aren’t going well.
Life will inevitably disappoint us. People we trust will disappoint us, and we need not look far to be reminded of our own sin in the daily mix. When tragedy or hardship is real, the last thing we should do is stay silent or attempt to journey alone. We need the body to come alongside us and help us carry our burdens to the Lord.
Discussing the worst part of your day/week/month/year with a brother or sister is appropriate and helpful. In the long run, our trials may not decrease—nor their sting—but our endurance muscle will strengthen as we process the balance of grief and hope with others.
“What’s the hardest part of life right now?”
“How do you need God’s strength right now?”
“How is God strengthening you most right now?”
3. My Faithfulness
Here, with F-3, the primary focus is on growth and stagnation points in the Christian walk.
Again, the aim is not performance. The goal is to prompt moments that allow us to qualitatively assess our personal holiness, obedience with ministry opportunities, spiritual disciplines, or development as grace-filled disciples.
One option is to ask, “Are you growing, plateauing, or struggling in your walk with Christ in this season?” Another is, “How do you see the gospel changing you recently?” or “How might God be refining you lately?” Or, you could try, “Is there some aspect of God that you’ve come to appreciate more deeply as of late?”
Here, my mind goes to Bob Thune’s cross diagram.
As Christians, our realization of sin’s magnitude will increase over time as we progress in life. In parallel, if we are drinking deeply from Christ, then our realization of the gospel’s magnitude will likewise increase. What you have is a growing appreciation and humility concerning God’s love.
This is what it means to grow in the gospel.
I hope you’ll find the 3Fs helpful.
P.S.
As an even shorter way to remember the Fs, consider this (perhaps stronger) additional mnemonic:
Feast (God’s favor)
Famine (Life’s frustrations)
Faithful (My faithfulness)